Jonathan Burns & Barbra Streisand

Jonathan does his impression of Barbra Streisand at Lakeland College.
"Ji-ji-ji-jijiji-Jingle Bells, Ji-ji-ji-jijiji-Jangle Bells..."

Jonathan on Jay Leno

I (Jonathan Burns) appeared on The Jay Leno Show on October 15, 2009 and performed my underwear trick (check out the video above). It was for a segment called Meal or No Meal, and the guest judges were Band Leader: Kevin Eubanks, Former Intern & TV Personality: Ross Mathews, and Comedian and Ventriloquist: Jeff Dunham & Walter. I had a blast and even won a free meal for 4 to Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion Cuisine.

A BIG Thanks to everyone who stayed up to watch!

Here's a little behind the scenes look at the segment with Jay's Backstage Blogger Bryan http://www.thejaylenoshow.com/backstage-with-bryan/meal-or-no-meal-returns/

Wartburg College

Wartburg College brought us in for Family Weekend entertainment on 10/10, and the show was delightful! Before the show, the Activities Board (or whatever they're called at Wartburg) took us out to eat at the local pizza place, and I had the special Octoberfest Pizza, which had bratwurst and sauerkraut on it- which was amazing and delicious! We learned that Wartburg was a castle that Martin Luther holed up in after refusing to recant at "the diet of Worms", (which is not what you think).

In the morning, we drove our rental SUV back to the airport and headed off for some much needed time at home. The SUV we had rented all week is worth talking about: the Toyota Seqoia is even larger than our past behemouth GMC Sienna. We had dubbed the Sienna "the GMC Elephant", and we are dubbing the Seqoia "the Toyota Aircraft Carrier". We think that it actually had another car located inside rather than a spare tire. The thing had two cupholders in every door, and three more in the center console. Also in the center console was a compartment large enough to store a small child, or at least both of our laptop computers. There were literally 8 compartments in which to keep your sunglasses, and two glove boxes. At 16 miles per gallon, it was 20% less fuel efficient than the GMC, and didn't have as many nice luxury features, like heated seats, a gate that went up in the back... the Toyota just wasn't as nice.

Saint Catherine's University and Bed Bugs

Saint Catherine's University, dubbed by the students "Saint Kate's", is an all girls' Catholic College in St. Paul, MN, complete with a convent! Saint Catherine is the patron saint of many things, including (my favorites): unwed girls, dying people, knife sharpeners, and lawyers.

When we arrived at the school, I broke out in hives and assumed I was having some kind of allergic reaction to something I had eaten earlier that day (I'm not allergic to anything, but who knows). The joke became that I must have developed an allergy to girls! A few days later, I learned that I had been bitten by bed bugs during my sleep at the hotel the night before. Ironically, someone had actually said to me "don't let the bed bugs bite" over Facebook Chat that very night. I had always thought that the whole bed bugs thing was just a saying, but it turns out they are incredibly tenacious little bugs that are a serious problem if you don't protect yourself from them. And it doesn't help to stay in high end hotels, they can and do infest even the best.

One interesting note: In our "balloon animals 101" segment, our recording says, "how about you sir, yes, you sir", which would have been awkward at the all girls school if it weren't for one young lady's fortunate boyfriend in attendance.

Lakeland College and a Day in Chigago

On Wednesday the 7th, we had a day off, so we headed to Chicago. Our first stop was the famous Uno Pizzaria, (not to be confused with the national chain), for some real Chicago deep dish pizza. Uno is a small joint with writing on the wall, from presumably happy customers, and service that had the appropriate amount of sass to give the place real character. After lunch I left Jonathan exploring Chicago while I took the commuter rail up to the north shore suburb of Winetka for a visit with my grandparents.

Jonathan went to the top of the Sears Tower (now renamed after the company which owns it, but screw that).  My grandparents raved about how proud they are of me and my career ambitions and successes (feels awesome to get an old banker to be impressed with a job like mine). Jonathan learned lots of cool information about Chicago history and walked out on the new glass floor skywalk of the Sears Tower (scary!).

At the end of the day we met up to see The Second City show at their home theater for two and a half hours of grade A comedy. The Second City is internationally known for its masterful mix of sketch and improv comedy, and they did not disappoint during our visit. The only thing that disappointed us was the food served at the theater- unbelievably bad.

Lakeland College booked us to emcee their annual Mr. Muskie competition on the 8th, which is basically a male beauty pageant night of hilarity. It was tremendous fun and there are some highlights I'm going to post in a video soon. We also got some great photos from this show.

Aurora University

Our show at Aurora University in Aurora IL (home of Wayne's World) was quite possibly the best show we have ever put on. Everything just fell into place in the perfect way to make it truly amazing. First off, the room was the perfect size and had excellent acoustics. The audience was close enough for fast and personal interactions, and they were more than willing to interact with us boisterously. Our 'Questions From the Audience' segment of the show was especially memorable! (I'll post a video soon!). Apparently the window to the sound and lighting booth resembles that of the "the Banker" on "Deal or No Deal". I've never watched the show so I didn't know, but Jonathan made a joke about it and got a good laugh. I neglected to take a picture of it for your comparisons, sorry. This was definitely the longest show we've ever done, running at almost an hour and a half!

As you look through the pictures you will notice some Wizard of Oz costumes. We were at Aurora as part of homecoming week, which had a theme of "There's No Place Like A. U."

Radford University

A couple of students at Radford University saw my solo street show at the Baltimore Inner Harbor and decided to bring the SHOWOFF Show! to their school for family weekend. We had a really nice time there.

Radford Virginia is known for its population of Scottish heritage , and the town was celebrating its annual Highlander Festival on campus grounds while we were there. We caught just the tail end of the goings-on when we arrived, but it seemed like a really great event. What's super cool about Scottish festivals is the Highland games, which are basically competitions in feats of strength. The most ridiculous game, in my opinion, is the caber toss, in which competitors try to throw a telephone pole as far as possible. It must go end over end to count. You can't just heave it. According to Wikipedia, there are also music and dance competitions at highland games, but that just seems a little too educational for me.

U of Wisconsin Stout

The University of Wisconsin Stout actually used a circus theme for their homecoming in anticipation of our show on October 2nd. All of the homecoming court was dressed in some kind of circus themed costume (notice one of our volunteers in the pictures), and we were told that there had been stupid human trick competitions earlier in the week. We were really impressed with the posters they made, and the lighting on the stage was freaking amazing!

Wisconsin Stout is located in a town named "Menomonie" which made us laugh because it reminds us of the classic muppets song sketch.

University of Illinois at Springfield

Sunday was a day off for us, so we went to Columbus, OH to visit our favorite magician friend Michael Kent. On the way we stopped off for a round of mini golf, where Jonathan stomped me by 14 strokes, boasting 4 hole in ones. After trouncing me on the green he proceeded to successfully attack the high score on the Ms Pac Man machine.

At the Kent residence, we watched football (Steelers lost), and talked with Michael about how our shows have been going (we've all been having an amazing year). We played with the dogs, went out to eat, and had an overall solid day of "R&R".

On Monday 9/28, we flew to St. Louis for a show at the University of Illinois at Springfield, but before driving to the school, we took a little time to go check out the St. Louis Arch. I'm a big fan of the Arch, and having grown up in Missouri, I have been to visit it many times. It looks really interesting from each different angle. When you're right up next to it it seems like it could be a giant slide. We didn't go to the top this time, but we did check out the free "Museum of Westward Expansion" below the arch. Interesting! Historic! Educational! Free!

Our show at the UIS was an MC spot hosting their homecoming pep rally. We introduced the various varsity sports teams and the homecoming court. It was a drastically different experience performing in a gymnasium to bleachers (as opposed to a theater) during a pep rally, but we didn't suck. And got some laughs, too.

U of Illinois at Springfield has a unique mascot, "the Prairie Star". Nobody really knows what the Prairie Star is because it's something that the school invented, but it was described to us as "a blue star with a constipated face". Check out the pictures and decide for yourself.

P.S. This was the last day for Jonathan's Mustache. Some day he'll post his thoughts on the subject.

Marrieta College

On the morning of 9/26 we dropped off our amazing GMC Elephant at the Minneapolis airport, flew to Columbus, Ohio, and picked up a vastly inferior Kia Sportage. I'm all jaded now; no rental car will ever impress me again.

Marrieta is in Ohio right on the border of West Virginia, and we arrived with no problems for Parents' Weekend. The problem occurred during set-up: I noticed I was missing the receiving end of the wireless presenter remote I use to advance the slides in the show. The school didn't have one, so I had to go out in search of a new one for purchase. I went to Wal-Mart. Nope. None at Radio Shack, either. I drove over the river, into West Virgina, where I went to the Office Depot, the mall Radio Shack, and a different Office Depot, where I bought something that wasn't billed as being compatible with my system. I bought it anyway.

The venue, which looked as though it had been a grocery store once upon a time, (and was called the Gathering Spot, known as the G Spot of the student body), had an amazing mural that was straight out of the '80s, and in the main rec room, where we were performing, was a Ms. Pac Man machine that Jonathan totally forgot to play, despite the organizers having given him a quarter. We went out to eat Mexican food with girls from the Activities Council, and allowed them to feed us- and by 'us', I mean 'me'- many many Margaritas. The things we'll do for our art.

Oh, and five minutes after we took our final bows, and were packing up our gear, guess what I found?

Right. You knew already that that's when I'd find it.

University of St. Thomas

Back in Minneapolis, we had a day off to catch up on computer work and also to visit the Walker Modern Art Museum. The Walker currently is free admission on Thursday evenings (sponsored by Target, which is headquartered out of Minneapolis). Modern art museums are amazing and frustrating at the same time: some of the exhibits are so cool you want to jump up and down with excitement, and some are literally just a nail in a stick. One of my favorite things was a video installation of a shed that had been loaded with explosives and filmed in high speed slow motion (does that make sense?), and then looped just before it blows itself to bits. You see the shed just expanding and contracting as though it's breathing. I couldn't take pictures here, so you'll to have to go see it for yourself.

Our show at the University of St. Thomas was packed beyond the point of standing room only, and that always feels good to our egos. St. Thomas is the patron saint of Catholic schools, which is pretty specific if you ask me. During our Questions From The Audience segment of the show, we had someone ask if we know the stanky leg dance, which we didn't, so he came up to demonstrate. Here is a link to the dumbest dance on earth.

College of Saint Scholastica

After a long drive through the Minnesota countryside, we arrived in the lakeside city of Duluth to perform at the College of Saint Scholastica. Saint Scholastica, the patron saint of education, was a woman! Fascinating. The show was poorly attended, but the people who were there were highly entertained, so we were happy.

After the show, the students took us to eat at a local bar/restaurant where we had good food, but lousy service. While we were waiting for the arrival of our meals, a busboy came by and tried to steal our flatware. We told him we hadn't eaten yet while he was in the middle of scooping up all the forks and spoons and knives, at which point he stopped dead in his tracks, slowly set the flatware down, and quietly slunk away from the table.

The next day, we took a few hours to check out Duluth and its charms. It gets so cold there in the winter that the entire downtown area is connected by skywalks so that you never have to go outside. So, from what I understand, it's not totally crazy for it to get as cold as -80°f, before wind chill, and I don't understand how that's not crazy.

Also crazy: some people move here ON PURPOSE.

Southwest MN State, MN Rennaissance Fest, and Mall of America!

With two days off and time to kill, Jonathan and I hit up the Minnesota Renaissance Festival to do some mustache interviews. Jonathan's going to post his blog thoughts about the mustache experience later on, so I won't get into that, but we did see some other cool stuff there as well. One of my favorite sights was a dog-sized live tortoise harnessed with a tip jar that wandered through the faire grounds attended by two human minders. He liked having his neck rubbed. There was a giant rocking horse, jousting, and plenty of shows to see. The show that most impressed us was the Danger Committee! These guys do a knife throwing act where one of them actually catches the knife out of the air!!! Holy cow! I also enjoyed checking out some of the artists booths at the faire, especially Josh Boock, who makes cookie jars and mugs with grotesque faces. Right before we left, I took the Jacob's rope ladder challenge because I have beaten them before, but not on this day.

This photo gallery has some of the mustaches from our interviews, which you'll probably see  again later.

On Monday we visited the Mall Of America for some retail shopping, and sight seeing. Other than the fact that this mall houses a small theme park, it's pretty much just a big mall. Jonathan bought a pretty slick jacket and some gifts for his wife, while I picked up a couple of pairs of new sneakers. I went to see the Bodies exhibit which was showing for a limited time in one of the exhibition halls on the top floor. I'm glad I went, but I'm not sure I liked it. When we were at the Renaissance Festival, we were given passes for a free roller coaster ride in the Mall of America theme park. It was a good coaster, and free!

The show at Southwest Minnesota State University on 9/22 was a blast, and dinner afterwards with the activities crew was equally fun. One really cool highlight of this school was our interview on the school radio station, which was the first time that had ever happened to us. 

Several girls at the college claimed to have camping gear and fishing tackle ready to go in their trucks, and the bait leeches are in their refrigerators. Minnesota girls, huh? Our new friend Candice filmed the show with her fancy video camera and promised to edit together some clips for us, so we're all looking forward to that.

Oh- I almost forgot to mention that at this show our front row was made up of bean bag chairs! It just seemed like a great idea that more college venues should use.